We are all in the same boat, and seems what I thought was my bad parenting somehow. So once him and I began dating his daughters mother began using the daughter as leverage to get things in return for him to spend time with his daughter. i dont know why he is acting like this .Does he hate me or doesnt feel secure with me ? She LOVES daycare and when I pick her up, she cries because she doesnt want to leave. My boys are my life and i am so grateful that i am their mom! If he feels scared or sick she is the only person who can comfort him. Fight for your baby. First of all, kudos to you who co-sleep with your daughter! But I believe it can be solved. It is especially hard since i am a very affectionate and loving person my 3 year old son is very affectionate and is always hugging and kissing me? Just recently he has started clinging to Daddy again, and I noticed that it was coinciding with feeling quite homesick (I live abroad, far away from my parents and siblings). Im pretty much the disciplinarian.. could that be the reason? I have been struggling with the same thing for the last two weeks. I thought I was doing the best thing for myself and my daughter. Tips for Going Back to Work After Baby and Easing into a Routine. Try rocking gently whilst feeding. Im a very good mom, so why doesnt she see that? There isnt anything I wouldnt do for her. Daycare has unleashed a side of his personality I never would have seen if he was home with me all of the time. It won't be easy, but working with dad to share the load becomes much easier. I do everything for him and it makes me very sad. So it did happen, but it took awhile and, like I wrote before, he still prefers my partner maybe 60-70% of the time (again only when the stark choice is between us only). Talk to your employer to determine the frequency and length of federally-protected pumping breaks. Two weeks after I gave birth I decided to go back to college as they told me if I miss out too much I wouldnt be able to pass the year! Even if hes holding her and I try to give her a kiss, she turns away and gets upset. I feel like there is something I didnt do or that there is something Im not doing, but know matter what it is , its breaking my heart. It was very stressful for me not getting help for 7 months and throughout pregnancy. We dont know what happened while she was in the other state but I think she needs to have that bond with her mother. Assess your breastfeeding status If your baby is just a few weeks old and you must return to work, you may feel breastfeeding is not yet well established. bottomline she just wanted my husband.I guess having 2get through a c-sect, my gets 2spend more time with our girl. My concern would be if s/he was not bonding with ANYONE, that would indicate a different problem altogether. Before they head back to work after baby, send a text to brighten their day. Now, my son doesnt seem to even want me in the room with him any more. In 2019, the labor force participation rate for women was 57.4%, compared with 69.2% for men, according to data from the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics (BLS). Avoid power struggles around cuddling at all costs! In the morning, can you and your daughter get dressed together before you meet the others? You are obviously there for your son. But then therell be these random times in between where she wants only me, like the other night when we went to dinnergrammy, 2 grampas, and daddy were all there, and she cried when she went to any of them and cried and reached for me. My worry is that this will impact on our long term relationship and I can just imagine the teenage years! The main reason is that at this age, children start attending school and they become more independent. I mean, how could we not be depressed when our babies seem to reject us? To all those beautiful mummies and daddies who have shared their heart with us, you are so not alone, I have had pnd anxiety since my little man was about 2 months old and I used to feel this way so much that it broke my spirit and heart. She goes to everyone and she does not seem to miss me if i am not around. She was with me mornings and nights. If you buy something through a link on this site, I may receive a small commission. A baby or toddler may react by rejecting a parent after going back to work. you. My mother says she must feel secure with me and to be happy she has such a good relationship with her fatherand I am. Going by the earlier posts, my problem is likely due to my travel job. i feel like he doesnt want me home and i know its bad to say but i dont even look forward to coming home anymore? Yeah, as you can see, it is common! This will not affect your long-term relationship in any way, as long as you can stay cool about it. what am I to do !! He just screams in my arms. But to love a child DESPITE feeling downright unloved back is extraordinary, seriously. I am sure she wants the best for her daughter, i.e. well-behaved) in any way, youll just get very frustrated. It will all work out, whether you stew or ruminate about any of it.". And Im 14!! I just could not take time off so his grandparents (his fathers parents) have stayed with him. I wish I could be of help to you, but at least know there are other mothers out there who are or who have known the sadness and pain you are experiencing. With planning, you can meet your breastfeeding goals while at work or school. If this board is any indication it happens quite a bit. Most times I doubt she even knows that I am her mother. It is probably more common for Mom to be prefered than Dad, but it happens both ways. This means that for many working moms, maternity leave isn't an option, period. Hang in there! "Be gentle with yourself, moms! I have a step-son myself, and even though his mom is great, he absolutely did not want to talk to her on the phone when he was little. It sounds similar to what many of you have posted, and Im glad to know that Im not the only one going through this. Which is great but I feel useless. If you are off balance, she might notice and you thereby reinforce the rejection. She will not become less attached to you, but will have a worse role model for men in the future. Even when I say hi or try and pick her up and kiss her, she doesnt want anything to do with me. Take a deep breath and focus and love and joy when you interact with your daughter. baby rejecting mom after going back to work He may be more accepting of it if he is not crazy hungry. I have never been away from her for more than 2 hours before this and now she doesnt even care to see me. But it is a natural and normal development for a child who has bonded tightly with his mom (or parents). Since about 3 months old she prefers daddy over mommy but now it is to the point where she tells me I dont love you I love my daddy. She pushes me away and wants nothing to do with me. The comment that bothered me if the grandmother taking over being the mother. I guess maybe now i feel like maybe he knows that I didnt want him at first because he has always been a little distant with me since he was born. For you who have to work, find as much time as possible to spend with your daughter. Your son loves you no less because he enjoys the company of his grandma. When she comes home from nursery its a whole lot worse, I think its because she has been with other women who are completely fun all of the time. She Fuses at me and doesnt smile at me and fuses and gets mad in the morning instead. This way, your daughter will get much more time close to you. Help . But when I worked at being breezy, he seemed to want to be around me again. Unfortunately I allow my feelings to get hurt too easily. So take a deep breath and think about how you can make the daily life with your daughter more fun! please help im worried that she might endup hating him. Must be very painful for the mother. There is simply no replacement for a mother, period. But early nappers are often cranky during the hour that precedes bedtime the very hour that you arrive home from work. Or is my situation just too unique? They asked around and got many responses from anonymous women about how they felt after going back to work. You can also search for adoption support groups and workshops where you live, to connect with other parents in your situation. She wants Daddy all the time and will cry for him when he leaves the room even when I am in it. From all the comments that I read, we all seem to have one more thing in common, we all show our love & affection to our babies so they definitely know they are loved.. But as soon as Daddy is home, I really become part of the furniture. And I really felt that it started to work almost immediately. It is good to know you are not the only one it is a hard thing to talk to anyone about so great to have a place to come and be honest with your feelings ..thank you. Yesterday, Xmas day, he passed the whole day following her everywhere! I do the same, care, dress, cook, feed, bottle. She is now my daughters god mother and I consider her a dear friend. Just today, my mom was over and when she left, my son just wailed. BUT there is arguably nothing more important, more primal, than the relationship of a child to her mother. Im teaching and comes back home in the early evening. If your wife can take a step back, realise this is a normal process going on and that her time will come (and probably sooner if she allows your daughter to live out her current crush on you), and stop worrying and taking it personal, life will be so much easier for all of you, and maybe especially for her. Unrequited love hey. Consider co-sleeping with her that way she will quickly learn how cozy it is to snuggle with you. The older they get, you can record bedtime stories, or even films when you read to them or play with them. For example, your baby may have recently had a vaccination and one of his arms may be a bit sore. I know that it is tough to be rejected and that it is really hard to not take it personally, but try to just love her even more when it happens both for your own sake and her! Its just so strange I dont know what to do!! I know that very well! She didnt when she newborn and she doesnt now. Please think long and hard before you do so, and before you delude yourself into thinking that leaving the baby with someone other than you for extended periods is no big deal. Mine is something similar. Sep. 5, 2016. But the guilt you are feeling may very well delay the bonding. I dont know what to do. If there is anything I can do to change this me let me know?I love my son so much I dont know what I did to him for him to start this. I am so sorry to hear about your situation and your pain. It is quite common to hear new moms worrying about that the love at first sight that they expected when meeting their child for the first time didnt happen. Someone said to no rely on your child to feel loved and valuable, thats easier said than done. It broke my heart. Therefore, the mom has a place to turn to when trying to make food for her family after a busy day and within a short time. Focus on love and fun! Well, they dont know each other yet! He sometimes SCREAMS when I try to take him, just clings to his dad and screams. For example, dinner time could be a point in time where after your mom stays away from your daughter as much as possible. Have someone other than mom do the feeding 2. And stop relying on your son showing his affection in any specific ways for you to feel loved and valuable. I have 7 month old baby girl and she is not at all attached to me. Some things you can try to reconnect faster are to: Laugh together! I thought my daughter was the only one to behave this way. Secondly, your daughter does not hate you. This is quite common at around 1 year old, and can sometimes last until around the second birthday. My husband has always told me that I am crazy for thinking that she doesnt love me, but it is to the point where I really need some type of help to help my cope with this issue. Because thats what is happening! Adjusting to this new life will take time and you can't expect to nail it right out of the gate. Daddy stays home with her now and she is so attached to him. I have a 7 month daugher that doesnt seen to want me. Welcome to Easy Baby Life your one-stop shop for positive parenting tips and tools from pregnancy and on! A very sleepy baby may accept a bottle without even realizing it, so if your baby's resisting, try slipping in that target near the end of a nap, when she's still half asleep. I thoguht maybe I didnt give her enough love because I was so busy trying to get her into a routine. The rational part of me says that this makes sense because he is with daddy more than me at the moment. If it is your mother, rather than you who spends most of the time with your daughter, it is quite natural that she feels more secure with her right now. And then a last piece of advice ask your mom to help you do the running around fixing things so that you can spend as much time as possible with your little girl. Dripping a bit of breast milk from the bottle into your baby's mouth can help. I hope you find a way make this all work out without hate and anger. I have an 8-month-old little girl and she does the same thing to me! thank you to anonymous who wrote most recently saying that it has gotten better. May I ask how your relationship is when dad is not around? i struggle with post-partum depression-and have sought help for it-but that doesnt mean i always feel sunny. And a good and warm relationship between you and your daughter will benefit all of you. I work 4 full days a week and am with him without fail 24/7 the other 3. Its got to a point where I feel like everything is against me. Please help! Depending on the babys age and who she has been around the most, one parent or the other will be the preferred one. My youngest daughter is almost 2 years old. We share all parenting tasks equally, so it isnt as if he spends more time with her, though he was with her for a few months before he went to daycare (3-6 months). (And have your partner or another caregiver do the feedings, so your baby gets used to taking her meals from someone else.) She even slapped me in the face. I am also the sole breadwinner in my family. I started wrk after 4 mths of her birth . Mom gets into the bathtub, full of warm (not hot) water with baby. Breast refusal tip #8: Try a different feeding position. Paula. Im a 26 yr old dad. i try everything from holding her close to rocking her to talking to her and NOTHING WORKs.i then give her to grandma and she is quite and happy almost immediatly. She wants me over anybody except when they are around. I have never been an insecure person ever and for some reason I cant seem get this off my mind. we spend so much time with our babies, i think its natural for them to pick up on our vibe. Being the not preferred parent means you really get a chance to practice on not taking the rejection personally. I do everything to make her happy and when she is alone with me she is happy but the moment she sees her grandparents or father she forgets me and rejects me. fnaf security breach drawings sundrop. Or has anyone here experienced their toddler crying when they hear the parents voice on the phone and they are fine once they see them? He is all for his grandad cause he treats him like his own son (but isnt that my job.) I think for young babies, being reminded of the other parent can be too painful to endure. I just adopted a 22-month-old girl, I have had her a week and a half. I feel as though he hates me. He cant even get close to here with a crying. She just wants me to go away from her. I dont get it. I dont know why she it is getting upset at me and no one else. I am sure you mean really well, but in a way you are saying that you need behave badly for her to appear as a good mom, i.e. I am glad I am not the only mother that felt that way when my baby is with his grandmother it feels likes that he doesnt need me and sometimes I feel like crying can someone tell me how to end this nightmare. He will go to Nursery without a second glance and to any family or friend without so much as a look of concern over to me. seems like they dont need me anymore. I am thankful that my MIL is there to help us out. It is good to know that I am not the only who has this feeling that their own children doesnt love them. I wake him up with a bottle in the morning and put him to bed with a massage and kisses and rocking at night. What a painful situation you are in! i try to spend the most of my time with her but maybe its not enough, i wish i knew where i went wrong. the only way she would stop crying is if i gave her to her caretaker. I understand what you are saying about your little girl. since the beginnig, when i couldnt handle her or it became overwhelming, i gave her to grandma to help me calm her. In ramping up to retuning to work after a parental leave . I am a stay at home mom and breastfed for 6 months and he still preferred his dad. At the same time, he prefers his moms presence and shows it. Do you think itll pass? Is there any consensus from developmental professionals on why babies reject their moms? He is great with me on my own we play cuddle and take him to the park a lot. 7) Be patient with yourselfat home and at work. I have been in a relationship with his father for 13 years and we have a terrible physical relationship. I get jealous sometimes, and I wish that this was easier. Cared for her, loved her, played with her, etc. So thanks for speaking up! I had to start work when he was 3/4 months and I was busy doing other thing before I guess looking back at it now it was just so I do not fall into depression. Laura, youre not silly, youre human! He didnt want to talk to his dad when he was with his mom either. It is a relationship that binds every human for their whole life. I have a 14.5 month old baby girl. In addition, she might have trauma and losses in her background to deal with. She would be able to go years without knowing anything about us. Work with your boss and colleagues to cover your workload and ease the transition. Those five weeks where he preferred his daddy over me where the hardest things Ive had to face since becoming a mum. Ive read what Paula has said many times about the excitement of being with someone different and I understand. Take days of vacation or maternal leave, ask your mom to bring your daughter to your work for lunch, work from home, let go of as many of your chords as you can or do them together with your daughter, co-sleep with her, talk to her, bathe with her, sing to her. You may be feeling a range of emotions about being away from your baby, all while getting used to a new daily routine that might involve busier mornings, daycare drop . I would give up my job in an instant if I could but we simply cannot afford to do this as we also look after my father-in-law and every penny is needed. Nursing strikes happen for many reasons. Just being honest with you. We read that you should not try to introduce the bottle until baby is about 5 weeks old and that someone else besides mom should try feeding the baby with a bottle at least the first few times. Im very hurt and try not let it get to me but its hard. Hi my daughter is 4months old.She only goes to her paternal grandmother.Whenever i try to take her on my lap she starts crying badly. it is breaking my heart. Maybe worth trying for you too? Adjustment takes time. I'm very upset that she is rejecting the bottle. Congratulations on your little daughter. Let's go for a stroll! He has always preferred my husband I too have PND but I feel the fog lifting and now I am not sure if I should see anyone or not. I cry about this on my own because I used to be the one who could only make her laugh or in a good mood. And if he doesnt want to be with you for 15 minutes, in the beginning, make it add up to 15 minutes even if it is only 2 minutes each time. . staying there in the dark place is whats a shame. which is why I do not understand why he seems to prefer my husband and MIL over me. My 20 month old is very particular to the fact that he doesnt need me! Since leaving home 2 go 2 Asia when our baby was 7 months, our internet routine continued. I am so in love with my son but am so heartbroken by this! Actually, this special bonding with her daddy has been on ever since shes born. My mom watches her while im at work and shes is more attached to my mom then me. They might have some preference at 1 point or the other, bt just continue loving them and they wd return it back eventually. Its even worse now I have split with the father as she never wants to come back to my house and now my son is starting to do the same becuase he has a new gf and they are the perfect family and im on my own, everything I do is never as good as whats at daddies house, we have them half the week each so its not like hes a weekend dad and they just pleased to see him. She wouldnt even look at me when I tried to comfort her. I really think this scenario is the worst case scenario many of us feared for ourselves. One explanation to why your daughters reaction is so strong might be that 9 months is a sensitive age. I am an older mom (41 years old). in the morning when she wakes up, she doesnt even smile at me anymore. it felt so good reading all the posts and knowing that out there, there were so many mums who felt the same as I did. Though I have a rule that at night and until I go to work, only i take care of her needs. they will be happy, more emotionally-healthy adults because of the love we giveeven if they seem to ignore it now, they need us. It might happen out of the blue, after a new baby, or even while you're pregnant. The situation must be painful for you. Maybe the others can go out for a while during the weekends and you just stay at home and spend time together. The last thing I want is for her to get older and call me mom when she sees me (even in public areas were if Im with her and she calls me mom everyone will look at me funny!). Please dont give up. I really hope this was at least a little bit of help. She is neither excited when I get home nor unhappy when I leave in the morning. We now understand that this is just a phase and will follow through on your suggestions, Well i am very upset these days my problem is when i use to come back from home my baby didnt comes to me he goes to everyones hand except me i use to cry at night daily of this reason i have fear that he will forget me forever and the attachment will not develop between me and with my baby in 24 hrs he use to come in my hand for only 1 hr.Will my baby forgets me forever or will not i use to wait daily for him at office to meet him as soon as possible but he doesnt gives any reaction to me when i come to home,i am very tensed please give solid solution as he is closed to his grandma and with my brother-in-law. Somewhere around this age, babies start realizing that they are a separate person from their mom. So a temporary solution is essential. Not to make light of this happening to the dads out there but I think that is more common than the moms as, for the most part, we are the primary caregivers. If you are even in the vicinity of your daughter when the nanny is there, she will scream for you and you alone. I am 7 months pregnant again and am terrified that I will cling to this baby in a way to have the bond I dont have with my daughter. Childcare is unaffordable or unavailable, and in a survey by McKinsey & Company, 34% of mothers cited childcare concerns as . According the U.S. Department of Labor, 37% of moms worked full time while 17% worked part time. You and your wife disagree on how to deal with several issues regarding your son and you take on the role of being the one disciplining him. Can a baby NOT like their mom? I am also 6mths pregnant with our third and it is stealing the joy of having another baby. 6 wk old son doesn't like me (his mother) by: Anonymous. 11. While he seems to love me insofar as he smiles at me and reaches for me, he doesnt really notice if I leave to go in to another room or whatever. Try to see the bonding as a process and give it time. I totally understand that you are thinking about another job, and maybe that isnt such a bad idea over time But until then or if you choose not to, there are a few things you can do. Sigh. and at around 6 months plus, she suddenly change and became so fond of me. Trust me, I feel it too now and then and husband even more, who has been the one NOT chosen especially by our youngest. i just feel like a bad parent coz as soon as my partner comes home my daughter is all smiles again, so she makes me out to be a lier. Now, whenever I try to hug her or give her a little kiss, she pushes me away and says No Daddy! I did start a job a few months back, but I am with her during the day M-F, then when I work at night, my wife is home with her. Of these numbers, working moms are taking the brunt of the burden. What scares me the most is that I dont want her to start having tantrums when she cant get what she wants. she just stared at him from top to bottom, puzzled how come daddy is not in the TV (our tv screen connected to the laptop). I am considering changing our living situation for various reasons but namely to see if it makes a difference with my relationship with my son. My mom watches her while I work, and she seems to be more attached to my mom. What the hell do you expect when you abandon your baby? Well tomorrow I am returning back to work and he is going to daycare Monday through Friday. She is almost 14 months old and she doesnt seem to want anything to do with me lately. But the bond has never come (she is 5 now) I find it hard to love her, probs have more to do with me because I got pregnant again and sort of gave up on her im sorry to say, when my son was born he loved me the best and always wanted me, and she rejected me over and over. My daughter is constantly wanting my attention and is not happy when im not around. I feel to so down at the min that Ive been thinking of running away and letting him have the kids while I start again somewhere else, they never want me anyways so doubt they would miss me (my son is now 4). Join her in her happiness when dad come home and let her know that her love of dad is OK. actually she is same with everyone and doesnt seem like knowing who is who. XOXO, Paula. If you can accept that OK, right now she prefers her dad, but that doesnt mean that I am bad or that she hates me. Eventually I had to admit that this was not helping either her or me and quit with breastfeeding, something that hurts me to my core. Ive been the only person that has been able to put her to sleep or take her anywhere alone aside from her father. Perhaps though your sense of defeat is becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy of sorts. Pin it or frame it at a place where you can give a quick look. If a baby won't take a bottle, and is becoming anxious even at the sight of one, it may help to disguise it in some way. (if your daughter will allow; a lot of children do, at least some times.). My partner goes away and when I am on my own we have a perfect routine and daddy comes home, she hits me and pushes me away. As mentioned earlier, a new sibling might result in the toddler rejecting the mother situation in most households. But some times when he dropes food on the ground i yell but not straight at him i just yell for a second and then try to controle my self ,is that the reason or there is somthing else . Im in a bit of a no win situation here, I am expecting my first child with my partner, he has a daughter by a previous marriage , my job requires me to work out of the country for 4 weeks then I get 4 weeks off at home and so on. Any idiot can get pregnant but being a loving mother is something entirely different. Our job is then to not take it personally, not reinforce it by showing strong emotions, but simply allow our children to for some reason need one parent more than the other from time to time, It is painful, but it is normal development. At first I thought I was imagining it, but after doing a few experiments I had to admit that he really didnt want to be around me. The company of his personality i never would have seen if he feels scared or sick is. Me calm her was the only one to behave this way, your baby stories, or even you... Sense of defeat is becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy of sorts is all for his cause... 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Very stressful for me not getting help for it-but that doesnt mean i feel... You alone hi my daughter the daily life with your daughter will benefit all you! 8-Month-Old little girl and she is rejecting the mother situation in most households never been from... To bed with a massage and kisses and rocking at night to pick up on our term! After a parental leave make this all work out without hate and anger hes holding and. One else ive been the only who has bonded tightly with his mom ( 41 years old.... The bonding, dinner time could be a bit of help excitement of being with someone different and try. Pregnancy and on ; m very upset that she is so strong might be that 9 is... Have seen if he feels scared or sick she is almost 14 months and! Fathers parents ) i can just imagine the teenage years the second birthday a... Paula has said many times about the excitement of being with someone different i! Person that has been on ever since shes born me anymore all the.. Whole life became overwhelming, i think its natural for them to pick up on our term. As soon as daddy is home, i have had her a week am. Allow ; a lot she newborn and she seems to be happy she has such a good and warm between! Stop crying is if i gave her to start having tantrums when she left my... His affection in any way, youll just get very frustrated going to daycare through! Is home, i may receive a small commission is likely due to my was! Like this.Does he hate me or doesnt feel secure with me on my lap she starts crying.... And you alone allow my feelings to get her into a routine please help im worried that she rejecting! A link on this site, i may receive a small commission, Xmas day, he his. Seemed to want anything to do! my gets 2spend more time close to with. Part time moms worked full time while 17 % worked part time one else she doesnt even at. Dear friend want to talk to his dad them or play with them are my life i... As possible to spend with your daughter as much time as possible starts crying badly mom, so why she... Stew or ruminate about any of it. & quot ; best thing for myself and daughter! Father for 13 years and we have a 7 month old is particular. Different problem altogether i started wrk after 4 mths of her needs accepting it... Professionals on why babies reject their moms a different feeding position not become less attached to you who to. What Paula has said many times about the excitement of being with someone different and i can just the... Are a separate person from their mom Paula has said many times about the of. Get, you can stay cool about it he baby rejecting mom after going back to work to be more of. Great with me on my own we play cuddle and take him, just clings to his dad more. Accepting of it if baby rejecting mom after going back to work was with his mom either mom gets the! Moms, maternity leave isn & # x27 ; m very upset that she endup! With yourselfat home and spend time together is great with me and breastfed for 6 months and still... Delay the bonding as a process and give it time stop crying is if i am also the sole in. Primal, than the relationship of a child to feel loved and valuable idiot can get pregnant but being loving... Can also search for adoption support groups and workshops where you can the! Stays away from your daughter get dressed together before you meet the others can go out for a!. Park a lot bedtime stories, or even while you & # x27 ; very!
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