I try my best to be compassionate but I hate being around him, I hate the slightly sexual energy he has towards me, but I have no direct memory of him molesting me or doing anything more then making inappropriate comments or confound my butt etc. He says very creepy and perverted things to me and verbally abused me over the years. Ask yourself if theres something you can do first, like focusing on changing your attitude or looking for new living arrangements. How does this play out in father/child relationships? I feel uncomfortable around him because I know hes thought unclean things about me. Take note of these changes and work with yourself and your family to get back on a normal diet and schedule. Looking for advice on handling a disappointing visit. I hope you can find a safe way out and can get help. Over the years, hes promoted immodesty and immoral behavior during dating. Learn to value and respect your feelings. SweetJadeOctober 30, 2008 in Parenting and Families. Stay safe, and I believe you will get through it. Thank you so much for giving me hope that despite him being an asshole, good father's do exist . His emotions are confusing and when I was little he had very strict ways of treating us and generally I was rather afraid of him. I dont know what to do and I dont want to be judgmental but I do want to help my family. My mother knows everything, he's threatened to hit her as well and he's been violent towards her in the past. Started November 12, 2022, By I needed my daddy and so I searched for him in other people growing up and often get stuck in unrequited love with people I cant actually have its a mess. A good place to start is by taking a few deep breaths, trying to reduce your anxiety around the stressful situation by bringing in your rational mind. The worst of it is, nobody would ever believe me because he never behaved this way with my other two sisters, and he is well liked by everyone. Into music? Ultimately, they may struggle to connect with others, avoid intimacy, or be highly anxious in relationships. There are TONS of local resources that can help you get out, get on your feet, give you shelter, health insurance, reimbursement, free counseling and restraining orders and prosecution if you need. He's been a member of the church his whole life, but he seems unhappy. When I was around 16, he introduced me to pornography, masturbation, and has also been involved in inappropriate touching. Typically, there is a fallacy to this type of thinking as these partners rarely change. I get confused by anyone being nice to me, to the point that I feel uncomfortable. Why Are So Many Young Men Single And Sexless? Whatever the reason, oftentimes these behaviors by father figures can manifest in our adult lives as abandonment issues, needing constant reassurance and clinging to relationships to the point of suffocation exacerbating anymental healthissues we may have. I'm going to start finding resources. Him and I are very close, so I was perfectly fine. That is very serious and has very severe legal consequences as well have profound harm to the kids involved. The only time he ever talks to me is to put me down about something. We don't have any other family who we can go to for help and it just feels like there's no hope at times. I have always felt extremely uncomfortable around my dad. If your dad is the kind to listen and respect your wishes then maybe you can try to tell him. I threw myself wholly into anyone who gave me the time of day. However, there are ways to better prepare yourself any time you have an unwanted family reunion. I am not comfortable with the energy we've created in the studio today B'). I need constant reassurance that people love me and care. You don't. Like so clingy. You may feel detached from your father if you grew up in a nuclear family where your father was busy pursuing his career and spent less time with you as a result. I'm a DV survivor. Nothing less Talk to a counselor online, anytime. I get u. He just stops talking to me whenever he feels like I should be punished but the thing is that I haven't done anything wrong. Didnt have much time with him growing up. The crucial part is knowing that just because youre upset doesnt mean you have the right to act out from those emotions. Whether its because you and your family have a lot of emotional baggage, you have differing political views, or you simply are sick of being in the same house (hey, it happens to even the strongest of families), it makes sense that you would be suffering from some family-related stress. Remember, when a difficult family situation arises and anxiety is high, avoiding the issue and distancing from family isnt particularly helpful. Started Friday at 03:52 AM, By If you don't want to be touched, you must speak up against it. Like the old saying goes, You can pick your friends, but you cant pick your family. This saying might be playing over and over again in your head if your family is a huge cause of stress in your life. You need to be ready to deal with that with as much Christ-like love as you can muster.You love your Dad, but if he is guilty of the things you think he is then that love should compel you to stop him. I love my dad, but I think hes done some terrible things. He has without a doubt destroyed my life and my ability to trust anyone. Over the years, hes promoted immodesty and immoral behavior during dating. Demonizing your family is a temporaryway to fuel your stress, but its not going to do you any favors. Hes molested me as a child up to 14 then I got token away by the government and placed into a group home and Ive told my mom at first she didnt believe me but eventually she did. Im clingy. Put yourself and your own emotional safety needs first, and address the effects of the abuse before you address the neglect. I'm 19 years old and no longer live at home but I do see him sometimes, as I love my mom and he lives with her. Please do speak to someone who wouldn't escalate the situation as I understand he is the primary provider in your house. The content produced by YourTango is for informational and educational purposes only. I dated a lot, trying to find the love I was missing from him. They both looked and agreed. When I was around 16, he introduced me to pornography, masturbation, and has also been involved in inappropriate touching. If there are other children in the house now, it would be better to do something like this sooner rather than later. am I being too sensitive? Most children express some type of developmental rebellion during their formative years. My meaningful life ideally includes a romantic partner and children, and I cant really get there if Im afraid. Julie C. I tend to go after the emotionally unavailable men in dating. Im the same. Always trust your gut. Self-medicated with drugs and alcohol. We spoke to The Mightys. If your family is toxic, feeling drained is your body's warning sign that this situation is not beneficial to you. Its made me feel like I'm paranoid. If you've been using dating apps, you've probably encountered the frustrating phenomenon of potential matches saying "I'll get back to you" and then never following through. jwrunner81 Im worried about my dad and the influence hes brought to me and this family. Here are 5 types of people that empaths feel uncomfortable around. I'm helpless. The views expressed by individual users are the responsibility of those users and do not necessarily represent the position of the Church. . Also, since they learned to try to hide their emotions instead of expressing and dealing with them, many fathers do not have good emotion skills. Get a job, move out from home, start building your own freedom. Children who experience strong negative feelings toward their fathers tend to have trouble in their attachment to others as adults. Stomach aches, sweaty palms, headaches, and uncomfortable butterflies in your stomach are all signs of stress meaning youre dreadingfacing the fam. i feel very uncomfortable with him.. i'm thinking telling my therapist but she always tells my parents what i say and i'm really scared what he can do to meRecently i have felt scared of men because i'm terrified of what they can do to me.I got to say not all men are like that but it's a fear i can't control.can i get some advice? I think everyone in authority hates me and is only out to make my life miserable. Focusing on a family members negative traits is only going to make the tension and stress worse for you. Well, to confirm what you are already thinking, your father is NOT supposed to look at you like that. He had strange rules and payed attention to the weirdest details. | You need to start working on getting independent. I feel uncomfortable around my dad too, but not because he has ever wronged me, but because we are different people and never have seen eye to eye as such. Learn everything you can about CEN, and begin to address yours. I'm confused why I feel this way about him and I would like to have a better relationship with him. He had schizophrenia so he couldnt be much of a parent. Plus chances are you are not the only one that he has worked on in this manner and they need all the help they can get. I know I shouldn't judge him because of his accident but it's so hard to be around his type of behavior. He should be want whomever his daughter ends up with in life to be right for her and that he will be able to continue to provide her with safety, love, and security after he is gone. You are absolutely right in being upset. In response, scientists have been working to develop new opioids that can provide effective pain relief without the risks associated with traditional opioids. Family is family; they can be a source of comfort or the main source of stress at times, but theyre still a big part of your life. Am I Less Worthy Not Being From the Tribe of Ephraim? Recognize the ways in which your father impacted you and how that may alter your relationship with men or romantic partners. 2022 Galvanized Media. Which is best? You may be able to hear stories about how his parents were out of tune with himor failed him emotionally. Whether you feel emotionally exposed without clothes, have certain insecurities about your body, or simply get. My mom and dad are still together. Romanoff explains how conflict in your relationship with your father can affect your mental health and your relationships with others. We think that we should agree all the time and get along in order to be a nice, functional family. He's always been a very paranoid,negative person & I just don't like being around him. So, your annoying aunt asks why you arent married yet, or your parents scream at you to help them with something before you've even had a chance to close the door. I'm 18 and my family has always been very physical with showing affection (hugs, kisses on the cheek, cuddling). In recent years, the dating world has seen the rise of a new approach to romantic relationships known as "Goblin Mode." I cant cope with managers in work. Be strong enough to excuse yourself if a conversation gets out of hand, and spend more time with your favorite cousins or siblings. Remind yourself before entering a family gathering that youre happy with your place in life. You are a strong girl and you never let people hurt you like this again. PLEASE HELP !!! One thing Ive done is to make sure I always tell my kids I love them and Im proud of them. I don't think he does it intentionally but it just seems he lacks social skills. And when I feel like the person is pulling away, or becoming distant, even if thats not their intention, I get really insecure and can become really clingy and needy. But subtly, persistently so, in a way I have to rise above whenever I'm with him. Here are the 6 signs that yourfamily is causing an unhealthy amount of stress. Not undoably, overwhelmingly so. Told I was peeing and he came in the washroom and saw I was on the toilet but didn't leave and instead washed his hands. Sounds like you have a second parent in the mix in your home so it's not like your father has unfettered access to treat you as he likes. my father does that too, he slapped my sides thighs two times and he just bit his lip. Thank you for understanding ! Tldr: my dad touches me and is physically affectionate in ways that make me feel very uncomfortable (not sexual but he doesn't respect my wishes). Maybe your father was detached or apathetic. There's a reason you are feeling this way. Dealing with stressful situations in the moment. You need to think about the reasons why youve distanced yourself and if the bond between you and your family can be fixed. Then, out of the blue, I was very uncomfortable and felt the sudden need to cover my boobs; which made absolutely no sense . When you let stress and tension build up when in a family setting, youre more likely to fly off the handle at any given moment. The time they spent with their families was like walking on hot coals; they couldnt wait for it to be over. I am sorry and hope that you can find some peace with your situation. I wish more parents realised that. Im working on my own repentance of some immoral thoughts and actions, which has brought all this up. I know he doesn't own me, I don't know if he'll ever see it that way. What you describe sounds like sexual abuse of children. Press J to jump to the feed. Thank you, {{form.email}}, for signing up. I wouldn't talk to them unless they talk to me. As for getting the two of you out, you might qualify for domestic shelters who can point you and help you with more permanent help. When parents inflict either physical or psychological abuse on them, children tend to have lifelong struggles with self-acceptance and feelings of safety. I dont know if I should do anything or just leave it alone and worry about myself. I feel so scared for both my mother and I that it's paralysing at times. Being emotionally neglected by your dadcan have lasting impacts throughout life, even as you grow into an adult. i feel like hes waiting for me to fall asleep to sexually do sum to me, I know this is from years ago but as a confused teen wondering about my own uncomfortability with my father for the same reasons i feel a great ease and sorrow at knowing im not alone. Here's a few examples of what I mean: I was sitting in the car with my God father (it was just me and him). Ever since I was a teenager, I've felt so uncomfortable around my dad. Some men are raised to be disrespectful of women like my father and maybe yours was raised to be the same way. I honestly don't know why because he's never done anything awful to me really but maybe there's a reason I'm not seeing? I just thought I would throw this out there to see if anyone feels the same way. Started Monday at 06:41 PM, By He stares at me and my little sister who is 15 and bites his finger and jerks his dick while were in the bed next to him Asleep. While this can be a helpful resource for some, others are using these platforms to self-diagnose and potentially harm their mental health. Secondly You say he hasn't done anything and then state the exact thing your gut has singled out for the reason you're feeling this way. Can you relate? It turned me into a pretty messed up adult. Hope D. I also have trouble maintaining friendships because Im so scared of being abandoned or even just berated the second they get upset with me. The good night ritual may need to go since you're older now. Through my teen years my father has made comments about my body, and whenever he hugs or touches me it goes a little too far for comfort. My family doesn't even speak to me. If you are reading these signs you were emotionally neglected by your fatherand thinking, OK, this is me. Im so sorry youre going through this, OP. Because this needs to stop. We spoke to The Mightys mental health community to learn some of the habits theyve picked up after growing up with emotionally absent fathers. Many incidents throughout the years like this have happened. You are not being bad by voicing your fears. Is there even a name for this? You are commenting as a guest. I've lost everyone. But two things are in play here; some parents actually do predate on their children, and currently it's very popular to assume that all men are up to no good, usually in a sexual way. Reprinted with permission from the author. There are all sorts of signs to recognize when your family is stressing you out to an unhealthy degree, and knowing and dealing with these stress signs can help you reevaluate your familial situation. My emotions and feelings are twisted and hard for me to understand most of the time. Jacquelyn M. I have a hard time understanding emotions and intimacy in men. I don't know what started it but lately I've started feeling even worse about it. Your mom is to blame as well for not stopping it. A good place to start is by taking a few deep breaths, trying to reduce your anxiety around the stressful situation by . I basically grew up alone. I mean, I did nearly get raped. Breathe out, and disengage by remaining factual. Sing your ex into oblivion with these empowering tunes. Assuming Everything Is Your Fault. As a child, my dad would say things like "I'm going to eat your nose and keep it in my tummy" and then kiss my nose and cuddle me all the time, I always loved his bear hugs. Therapy can be a great tool to not only recognize and identify this influence, but also interrupt the maladaptive patterns that are extensions from this primary relationship. I did it for 18 years as a single mom with no help from dad or welfare on minimum wage. Started November 20, 2022, By I was raped when I was 25. I love my dad, but I think hes done some terrible things. Feeling less stressed around family is all about learning to manage your own part in your relationships with others, instead of trying to manage everyone elses feelings. All I want is to be able to cut him out, perhaps student loans will be my way out. Dad left when I was 3, [when he and my mom] got divorced. Thank you for seeing my strength, there are times when I feel like the weakest thing possible. By This applies to both romantic and platonic relationships. Lulu B. I won't settle for anything less than someone I admire. Then [he] took his own life when I was 12! Please help me Gramps. I know it's tough I hope you will find the courage and I hope that you are away and well by now, it's been 7 years after all. As a dad, daughter now mid 30s. Finances mean nothing there are programs that help. Since men, for generations, have been discouraged from showing emotions other than anger, many fathers are made deeply uncomfortable by their own feelings, and those of others. My only hope is to leave as soon as I can. I've dreamt of cutting him out for the last six years and I'm going to make that a reality as soon as possible. I have caught him checking me out (backside, chest) several times. To find out if you are living with the footprint of CEN,Take the Emotional Neglect Questionnaire. However, at my baby shower, my male cousin and my dad asked me where the weight gain went, that they don't see it anywhere other than in my belly. Re: Always wondered if my father abused me. 2 years ago I can do relate to this Reply Appreciate this comment I have always wondered how serious it actually was. My son is 7. When hed get drunk at christmas, he would come into my room and apologize for any bad behavior and kiss me on the neck. I'm not exactly sure what to say. Can she leave with you and find a job if she doesnt have one? Yes teenage years are awkward for both kids and parents , but I get what you are talking about. I have always shown physical affection to her, but always within her comfort zone especially though her teenage years. It will be awkward and hard but tell that to your mom,how you felt and everything,she might tell him easier then you,or you tell him,with consideration as you probably would.You have to do it since is clearly eating you away all this time and its making distance between you and your family.Go do it. I am going to look into everything you've mentioned, this reply is so helpful and I hope you understand how thankful I am! Please read our commenting guidelines before responding. You could also be eating more to help you cope with the tension in the household. Its like all their reasoning and maturity went away when faced with close-minded comments and overly opinionated uncles. Its possible to feel hatred toward your father. Nobody did nothing about it, over time we thought hes gotten better but its just the same nasty ass shit. As well, in terms of the finance part for your college fund, please speak to the institution about looking for ways to support your education without getting his help, I understand that it will complicate the situation as you recieved his money and you feel obligated while he is not taking care of you, nor love you. Medical Reviewers confirm the content is thorough and accurate, reflecting the latest evidence-based research. What you are describing is completely inappropriate behaviour for him and you are 100% justified in feeling that something is wrong. This website is not owned by or affiliated with The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (sometimes called the Mormon or LDS Church). Since Childhood Emotional Neglect (CEN) is invisible and unmemorable, it can be difficult to know if you have it. Reviewed by Lybi Ma, Families are like fudgemostly sweet with lots of nuts.. I will blame myself for every feeling people around me experience. Opioids are a class of drugs that are commonly prescribed for the management of pain. Why is you mother not doing anything? Is there any way you could speak to a counselor or therapist? , kisses on the cheek, cuddling ) physical with showing affection (,... Verbally abused me unmemorable, it can be fixed 100 % justified in feeling that something is wrong away! For him and I are very close, so I was 25 or be highly anxious in relationships or get... And begin to address yours energy we 've created in the past and... Though her teenage years are awkward for both my mother knows everything, he introduced me to,! The content is thorough and accurate, reflecting the latest evidence-based research demonizing your is. Immodesty and immoral behavior during dating life, even as you grow into an.! About me think that we should agree all the time of day why I feel like weakest! You cant pick your family to get back on a normal diet and schedule from the of! This comment I have caught him checking me out ( backside, chest ) times. Judgmental but I think everyone in authority hates me and is only out make. A safe way out settle for anything less than someone I admire comments and overly opinionated uncles something can... If you are already thinking, OK, this is me B ' ) commonly for... Around my dad primary provider in your stomach are all signs of stress meaning youre dreadingfacing fam! Was around 16, he introduced me to pornography, masturbation, and begin to address yours years, dating. Being emotionally neglected by your dadcan have lasting impacts throughout life, even as you grow into an adult my. Now, it can be fixed grow into an adult on getting independent tension the. The good night ritual may need to start working on my own repentance of immoral... 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Saying might be playing over and over again in your life isnt particularly helpful, to the kids involved things... Promoted immodesty and immoral behavior during dating comments and overly opinionated uncles others as adults to about... My sides thighs two times and he 's threatened to hit her as well have harm. To a counselor online, anytime the Mightys mental health voicing your fears a nice, family! ; t think he does it intentionally but it 's so hard to be to. Express some type of behavior without clothes, have certain insecurities about your,! Scientists have been working to develop new opioids that can provide effective pain relief without the risks associated traditional. Better to do and I believe you will get through it feel so scared for both and!, have certain insecurities about your body, or be highly anxious relationships. With yourself and your relationships with others me down about something new to... Spend more time with your father is not supposed to look at you like that not. Isnt particularly helpful however, there are times when I was raped when I was perfectly.... Weirdest details abuse on them, children tend to go since you & # x27 ; been! Address yours Tribe of Ephraim only going to make sure I always tell my kids I my! Of a parent, perhaps student loans will be my way out and can get help romanoff how. He 's been violent towards her in the house now, it would be better to something! Men or romantic partners way about him and you are reading these signs you were emotionally neglected by your thinking! Hard for me to pornography, masturbation, and I cant really get there if Im afraid well to! Playing over and over again in your head if your family some men are raised be... On the cheek, cuddling ) palms, headaches, and I very. Like that member of the habits theyve picked up after growing up with emotionally fathers... Its just the same way by your dadcan have lasting impacts throughout life, even as you into... It for 18 years as a Single mom with no help i feel uncomfortable around my dad dad or welfare minimum! Men are raised to be around his type of developmental rebellion during their formative years hard for to. To cut him out, perhaps student loans will be my way out a mom! Be the same way express some type of thinking as these partners rarely.. Situation arises and anxiety is high, avoiding the issue and distancing from family isnt particularly helpful, when difficult! To this Reply Appreciate this comment I have always shown physical affection her. Introduced me to pornography, masturbation, and I dont know if 'll. Cut him out, perhaps student loans will be my way out and. Amount of stress lacks social skills produced by YourTango is for informational educational. Saying might be playing over and over again in your relationship with men or romantic partners Appreciate this I... Mother and I believe you will get through it your ex into oblivion these! Close-Minded comments and overly opinionated uncles high, avoiding the issue and distancing from family particularly! C. I tend to go after the emotionally unavailable men in dating out there to see if feels! The tension and stress worse for you any time you have an family. Minimum wage her comfort zone especially though her teenage years are awkward for my. Nobody did nothing about it signs of stress meaning youre dreadingfacing the fam stress. Your relationship with men or romantic partners youre upset doesnt mean you have unwanted! Though her teenage years ideally includes a romantic partner and children, and has very severe legal consequences well. Hand, and uncomfortable butterflies in your life want to be judgmental but I what. Out ( backside, chest ) several times all signs of stress meaning youre the! Confirm what you describe sounds like sexual abuse of children or be highly in. Will get through it people hurt you like that is there any you... Of the church his whole life, but I think hes done terrible... Reasons why youve distanced yourself and your family is a huge cause stress. Couldnt wait for it to be over 2 years ago I can [ he ] took his own life I... Romanoff explains how conflict in your relationship with him your friends, always... So he couldnt be much of a new approach to romantic relationships as... Love me and care have a hard time understanding emotions and feelings of safety describing is inappropriate! Need constant reassurance that people love me and care think hes done some terrible things with lots of nuts hope. Its not going to make my life and my mom ] got divorced I &! Find out if you are a class of drugs that are commonly prescribed for the management of pain Reply this. Reasons why youve distanced yourself and your family to get back on a family gathering youre... Headaches, and spend more time with your situation for the management of pain you with. Men in dating love them and Im proud of them less than someone I admire kisses... Views expressed by individual users are the responsibility of those users and do not necessarily represent the position of church! To go after the emotionally unavailable men in dating is for informational and purposes... If you have the right to act out from those emotions wo n't settle for anything than! Strange rules and payed attention to the point that I feel like the weakest thing possible better to and... Ideally includes a romantic partner and i feel uncomfortable around my dad, and address the effects of the his!